wannabelyn (wannabelyn) wrote,

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What I think doesn't matter

I just realized how insignificant I am.

It doesn't matter that I don't like to eat fish and I couldn't care less if the fish costs a thousand bucks. It can taste pretty DISGUSTING. I don't want to eat what I don't want to eat but I can't tell you that because I'd be ungrateful and you'd get pissed off and ban me from the dinner table.

It doesn't matter that I've made such an effort. I'm the patient daughter at times putting up with ridiculous behavior. Yet you keep harping on about my dog even when she's not in the wrong. I'm not a piece of nothing that walks this earth.

It doesn't matter that I don't want to travel an hour just to eat prawns. I've ran out of excuses to decline your invitation. Does it matter that I don't want to go? Not to you. I'm fat enough as it is and just because you can travel to the ends of the earth to have a hearty meal, doesn't mean it's ok with me as well. I get bored. I get car sick. Why can't you just let me be? I can live without prawns, if you can't then go eat prawns by yourself.

It doesn't matter that it's your fault that we're not talking. I have to be the one who has to initiate conversation although I miss your friendship. You never apologized. My feelings, are they not important?

It doesn't matter that I've been the best friend I could, overlooking the times I've been FFK-ed. Now that I tell you what I think after the ultimate FFK, I'm the bad guy. Oh sure, you deserve more from our friendship. So for all the times that you've broken your promises, what did I do to deserve that?

It doesn't matter that I've told you several times that I do not want to work till the end of April, you still insist on asking me to change my mind. Is this because you think I'm a very understanding person or I can be manipulated. I'm probably both but it's my effing holiday, let me have my holiday. It never occurred to you that I'm stressed, depressed and unhappy and I need time to get over myself.

It doesn't matter that it was because of you and your mum that I could not go to HK. So please tell them to stop reminding me about your trip. It infuriates me and it's not because I didn't want to go. It's because I asked your mum about a million times and yet I got pushed back every single time. I chose to give up because unlike you, I don't have an ATM machine waiting for me at home.

It doesn't matter that you broke us. That you caused all this pain. Up till now, you've never done anything for me to feel as if you really regret what you did. Maybe you don't.
Tags: life
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